ABOUT

Gemma’s biog by Paul:

Good at:
Posture. Gemma has ridiculously good posture all the time and just looking at her makes me feel exhausted. She’s also incredibly nice to everyone all the time – you can’t even provoke her into a disagreement. She should work as some kind of peace envoy – in the straight back department or something.

Bad at:
Not bringing me cake when I say I’m trying to eat healthily. Not sneezing within 10 seconds of seeing a cat from 500 yards. Being on time – she’s ALWAYS late. Having confidence in her amazing singing ability.

Weird about:
I’ve noticed she sometimes talks to cups. Her favourite soft toy is a piece of toast. She thinks everyone has the same pair of shoes as her quite often when nobody does. She will just wander off and seems to trust in the universe that she will find her way to wherever it is she wants to be – this wouldn’t usually be a problem but she works ON A CRUISE SHIP.

Useful skills:
Bringing me cake (ignore the above). She can hear immediately when a harmony is off. Locating good burger bar chains.

Greatest fear:
She would probably say something normal like die alone but the real answer is people not exactly following recipes when cooking.

Her perfect day:
Probably get up horribly early to see the sun rise on a beach somewhere exotic before doing some kind of yoga thing and eating weird nuts and berries. Then exploring a mysterious, old village whilst also miraculously finding a greasy burger chain inexplicably located in this scenic and historic utopia. Then a brisk walk through nature in the afternoon – probably talking to random birds and twigs on the ground, then home for a hot chocolate and pancakes (classic lemon and sugar). She’d probably want to spend the evening watching a Disney film under a thick blanket in front of a log fire, laying in some kind of weird nest made from of hundreds of fairy lights.

Paul’s biog by Gemma:

Good at: Annoyingly he’s one of those people who is good at most things but definitely don’t tell him I said that. Have you seen his drawings? He’s actually quite an accomplished artist.

Bad at: Sticking to recipes. Giving short answers – verbal essays (with tone-of-voice providing bullet points) are common. Remembering the chords to HIS OWN SONGS. His sense of direction is hopeless – he gets lost every time he’s in a new building. He’s also terrible at remembering faces AND names.

Weird about: He doesn’t drive a car – never had a lesson. He says “some people are born to drive and some people are born to be driven” but I think that’s just something fancy he once read online and likes to pass off as his own. He’s what he calls a “switchtrovert” – he’s an extrovert some days and an introvert other days commenting this is directly influenced by how much sleep he’s had.

Useful skills: Guitaring. Musicing.  Eating. Drawing. Creative stuff. Figuring stuff out. Fixing things I break (mic stands, necklaces etc).

Greatest fear: He never worries about paying bills and that kind of thing like a normie, so it’d be something impossibly unlikely like worrying about an alternate universe where they never made the film Krull …or he’d spend an unusual amount of time worrying about some cat he saw that was hungry on Facebook 12 years ago that he can’t forget about.

His perfect day: Waking up to a head massage, followed by shouting out crossword clues on a busy beach in Monaco waiting for lunchtime to come so he can eat a bucket of chicken, covered in sun cream and KFC grease. He’ll be very happy if he spots a row of something (anything) forming a perfect line or a cloud shaped like something rude. After noodling around in a swimming pool (examining how bubbles form whilst upside-down using a snorkel – rather than actually swimming) an afternoon nap will ensue. An elaborate practical joke will be executed with me as the victim, followed by an elongated “getting ready” session for a big night out at some super-club. Afterwards a chauffeur driven car will then whisk him home to carry on the party with some selected amusing people that amazingly vanish the moment he wants to go back to bed for his third sleep of the day.